Barker Mediation Services
We Can't Agree on Holidays
Family Mediation for Separated Parents | Barker Mediation
Struggling to Agree on School Holidays, Christmas or Taking Your Children Away?
School holidays should give children a chance to relax, enjoy time with their families, and create happy memories. However, when parents separate, agreeing on holiday arrangements can sometimes become a source of stress, frustration and disagreement.
Perhaps you both want to spend Christmas Day with your children. Maybe you cannot agree on how to divide the summer holidays, or one parent wants to take the children abroad while the other has concerns.
When communication becomes difficult, even straightforward decisions can turn into arguments.
At Barker Mediation, we help separated and divorced parents discuss holiday arrangements in a calm, impartial and structured environment. Our family mediators help both parents explore practical solutions that consider their children’s needs, routines, and wellbeing.
You do not have to agree on everything before seeking help. Family mediation provides an opportunity to work through disagreements and explore arrangements that may work for everyone involved.
Why Do Separated Parents Disagree About Holidays?
Following separation, parents often need to adjust to new routines and arrangements for spending time with their children.
While regular weekly arrangements may be straightforward, school holidays and special occasions can be more challenging.
Common disagreements include:
- Summer holidays: Deciding how to divide the six-week school break between parents.
- Christmas and New Year: Both parents wanting to spend important celebrations with their children.
- Easter and half-term: Agreeing on childcare, overnight stays and holiday activities.
- Holidays abroad: Concerns about travel arrangements, consent, destinations or time away.
- Birthdays and family celebrations: Deciding how children spend special occasions with each side of the family.
- Changes to existing arrangements: Managing new partners, work commitments or changes in family circumstances.
These disagreements do not necessarily mean either parent is being unreasonable. Different expectations, practical commitments and concerns about children’s wellbeing can all contribute to conflict.
Family mediation helps parents discuss these matters constructively, rather than allowing disagreements to become ongoing disputes.
How Can Family Mediation Help With Holiday Arrangements?
Family mediation is a voluntary process in which an independent, impartial mediator helps separated parents communicate and explore possible agreements.
At Barker Mediation, our mediators do not take sides or make decisions for either parent. Instead, they help both individuals identify their concerns, consider their children’s needs and discuss realistic options.
During mediation, parents may explore:
- How school holidays could be shared.
- Whether holiday arrangements should alternate each year.
- How Christmas, birthdays and other celebrations will be managed.
- How much notice to give before booking holidays.
- Arrangements for collecting and returning children.
- How parents will communicate about travel plans.
- What happens if a holiday needs to be cancelled or rearranged.
- How future disagreements can be managed.
The aim is to help parents develop clearer arrangements that reduce uncertainty and provide children with greater stability. Although mediation cannot guarantee an agreement, it can offer a constructive way to discuss difficult issues without immediately going to court.
We Both Want the Children at Christmas – What Can We Do?
Christmas can be particularly emotional following separation.
Both parents may want to maintain family traditions, spend Christmas morning with their children or arrange visits with grandparents and extended family.
No single arrangement works for every separated family.
Through mediation, parents can explore different approaches, such as alternating Christmas Day each year, dividing the festive period, or arranging separate celebrations.
The best solution depends on the children’s ages, travel distances, existing arrangements, and individual family circumstances.
Rather than focusing solely on which parent gets a particular day, mediation encourages discussion about what will give the children an enjoyable, manageable, and reassuring Christmas.
Can My Ex Stop Me Taking Our Child on Holiday Abroad?
Taking children abroad following separation can raise important questions about parental responsibility and consent. In England and Wales, you generally need permission from everyone with parental responsibility, or a court order, before taking a child outside the UK.
An important exception may apply where a Child Arrangements Order states that the child lives with you. In those circumstances, you can generally take the child abroad for up to 28 days without obtaining additional consent, unless the court order states otherwise. Existing arrangements and other legal restrictions must still be respected.
If one parent objects to a proposed holiday, family mediation may offer an opportunity to discuss their concerns.
These might include the destination, travel dates, accommodation, the child’s safety or the impact on existing parenting arrangements.
A mediator can help parents explore these issues, but cannot provide legal permission for travel or override a court order.
If consent is legally required and cannot be obtained, you may need to apply to the court. Independent legal advice is recommended where there is uncertainty about parental responsibility or international travel.
For further guidance, visit GOV.UK – Get Permission to Take a Child Abroad.
Putting Your Children's Needs First
When parents disagree about holidays, discussions can easily focus on what feels fair to each adult.
However, children may experience these disagreements differently.
Some children worry about disappointing one parent. Others may feel unsettled when holiday plans remain uncertain or change at short notice.
Family mediation encourages parents to consider questions such as:
- Will the proposed arrangements support the children’s usual routines?
- Are the travel and handover arrangements practical?
- Will the children have meaningful opportunities to spend time with important people in their lives?
- Are the plans suitable for the children’s ages and individual needs?
- How can we communicate changes without involving the children in adult disagreements?
The aim is not necessarily to divide every holiday equally, but to explore arrangements that reflect the children’s welfare and the family’s circumstances.
Creating a Parenting Plan for School Holidays
One way to reduce future disagreements is to include holiday arrangements within a written parenting plan.
A parenting plan records arrangements that parents have discussed and agreed upon, helping both parties understand what is expected.
A holiday parenting plan might cover:
Having these discussions in advance may help prevent misunderstandings and reduce the need for last-minute negotiations.
A parenting plan is not automatically legally binding. If parents need a legally enforceable arrangement, they should seek independent legal advice on the available options.
Learn more about Parenting Plans and Family Mediation at Barker Mediation.
What Happens During Family Mediation?
Step 1 – Initial Assessment (MIAM)
You will usually begin with a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting. The mediator explains the process, listens to your concerns and assesses whether mediation is appropriate and safe for your circumstances.
Step 2 – Discussing Holiday Disagreements
If mediation is suitable and both parents agree to participate, the mediator can arrange sessions to discuss the outstanding issues. Your mediator facilitates the conversation and helps both parents explore possible solutions.
Step 3 – Recording Any Agreements
When parents reach agreements, they may record them in a written document or parenting plan to provide clarity for future holidays.
Step 4 – Planning for the Future
Parents can also discuss how they may review arrangements as children grow older or circumstances change.
Mediation is not appropriate in every situation. Where there are concerns about domestic abuse, coercive control, safeguarding or significant power imbalances, the mediator will assess suitability and discuss appropriate alternatives.
Why Choose Barker Mediation?
At Barker Mediation, we understand that disagreements about children can be emotionally difficult, particularly when relationships between parents are already strained.
Our approach provides a supportive, impartial environment where both parents can be heard.
Family mediation may offer several benefits:
- Child-focused discussions: Keeping children’s needs and wellbeing central to conversations.
- Impartial support: A mediator who does not take sides or impose decisions.
- Practical solutions: Exploring arrangements that consider real-life family commitments.
- Improved communication: Helping parents discuss difficult subjects more constructively.
- Greater flexibility: Allowing parents to explore options suited to their circumstances.
- An alternative to court: Where appropriate, mediation may help resolve disagreements without contested court proceedings.
Every family’s circumstances are different. Our mediators aim to help parents explore realistic arrangements without pressure to accept proposals they are uncomfortable with.
Frequently Asked Questions About Holiday Disagreements
Can my ex refuse to let me take our children on holiday?
The legal position depends on factors including parental responsibility, the proposed destination and any existing court orders. Travel abroad generally requires consent from everyone with parental responsibility unless a legal exception applies or a court has given permission. Mediation may help parents discuss objections, but legal advice may be needed if they dispute consent.
How should separated parents divide the six-week summer holidays?
No single arrangement suits every family. Some parents divide the holidays into blocks, while others maintain regular arrangements with additional holiday periods. Mediation can help parents consider work commitments, childcare, travel and the children’s needs.
What if we cannot agree about Christmas arrangements?
Your EH Mediator can help parents explore alternatives, including alternating years, sharing parts of the festive period, or celebrating on different dates. The focus is on finding practical arrangements that support the children involved.
Does my ex have to agree to attend mediation?
Participation in mediation is voluntary. You can usually attend an initial MIAM independently, but joint mediation requires both participants’ agreement and a suitability assessment.
Can we agree on holidays without going to court?
Yes. Many separated parents agree on holiday arrangements, either independently or with help from family mediation. Court involvement may be necessary when parents cannot agree, urgent protection is needed, or legal permission is required.
Are holiday arrangements agreed in mediation legally binding?
Agreements reached during family mediation are not automatically legally binding. If parents want a legally enforceable arrangement, they should obtain independent legal advice about whether a court order is appropriate.
What if mediation does not work?
Not every disagreement can be resolved through mediation. If you don’t reach an agreement, the mediator can explain the next steps. Depending on the circumstances, parents may wish to obtain legal advice or consider an appropriate court application.
We Can't Agree on Holidays – Speak to Barker Mediation
Disagreements about school holidays, Christmas and family travel can create unnecessary uncertainty for parents and children alike.
Whether you are struggling to divide the summer holidays, concerned about a proposed trip abroad or finding it difficult to communicate with your former partner, family mediation may help you explore a way forward.
At Barker Mediation, our impartial family mediators provide a supportive environment to discuss difficult decisions and work towards clearer, child-focused arrangements.
You don’t need to have all the answers before getting in touch.
Contact Barker Mediation to learn more about the family mediation process and whether it suits your circumstances.